A spouse receives flowers during her husband’s retirement ceremony at the Defense Information School on Fort George G. Meade, Maryland, in 2017. (Joseph Cannon/U.S. Army) Jennifer Barnhill is a columnist for Military.com writing about military families.
When you say "I do" and marry someone who serves our country, there is an understanding that their military career will drive most family life decisions.
"I have dropped opportunities. I’ve dropped jobs, communities that I wanted, locations I wanted … in order to support his career," said Megan Brown, an Air Force spouse whose husband is nearing military retirement . "But I do think that sometimes in the back of our minds as military spouses , we get this idea and understanding that one day they’ll do it back."
But does the transition from military to civilian life mean that it finally gets to be our turn?
"I think that’s a little bit of a myth," Brown said.
While we may benefit from a more predictable family life, our professional lives are not as easily revived. After suffering bouts of unemployment and a lack of retirement savings, when military spouses are at the point where we get to have "our turn" professionally, it may be too late to make up for lost time and we may be too focused on everyone else to notice what we’re giving up.
Active-duty military spouses fill an essential logistical role. We take care of the home front. We research new duty stations. We often register kids for school and make medical appointments. We draw out floor plans and plot out where to put the furniture that doesn’t quite fit.
We find ways to get through military life. Some of us even thrive. But along the way, we find ourselves and our needs constantly coming in second to the needs of the military. And although military spouses have gotten good at transitioning in many ways, we are not good at prioritizing our own needs over the needs of our family while we are transitioning.
"I was very prepared for him to transition out of active duty," said Anna Larson, a veteran Army spouse whose […]
Now It’s Our Turn: Does Military Retirement Give Spouses a Real Chance at Careers?
